Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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