Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize