I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
