So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish you could order shots online.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
