dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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