I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
