is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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