So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
