I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just found puke in my bra..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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