she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
