DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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