Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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