That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
