His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This baby is an asshole
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's shark week go big or go home
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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