I heard we made out
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
