her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
