Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
