We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
