I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
