he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
