No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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