the day after is always just damage control
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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