There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
