This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
