I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
