Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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