I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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