We need to rekindle our bromance
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
