So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
