at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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