You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
