Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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