Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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