you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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