Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
