Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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