Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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