I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
