i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
