I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
