I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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