We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
