I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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