His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
