ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
