I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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