So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
