when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I love having hate sex.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
