I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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