wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
