she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
