Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
