at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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