I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
