never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize