Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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