please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize