Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
