her vagina looked like bernie madoff
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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