goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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