Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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