my sisters under your porch take her home
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
