she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
