sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
