I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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