good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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