You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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