its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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