I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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