god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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