okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
