so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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