Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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